


Spider Tweets

by UngodlyDaughter



Series: Marvel Stories [1]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017)
Genre: Bruce Banner & Tony Stark Friendship, Bruce Banner Is a Good Bro, F/F, F/M, How Do I Tag, M/M, Natasha Romanov Is a Good Bro, Not Captain America: Civil War (Movie) Compliant, Peter Parker is a Little Shit, Precious Peter Parker, Twitter, infinity war? i dont know her
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-30
Updated: 2019-03-08
Packaged: 2019-08-09 23:53:39
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 2,068
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16459478
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/UngodlyDaughter/pseuds/UngodlyDaughter
Summary: Marvel Twitter fun





	1. First day

@spidersman   
Spider-Man  
Joined today  
Just because I have a spider-sense doesn't mean I have common sense  
Followers 0 Following 10

@spidersman  
Swinging through the city is great until you miss a shot and fall into a dumpster  
Likes 80 Retweets 100 Replies 20

>>@eggplant is this real??

>>@lessbien replying to @eggplant @spidersman DUDE I TOTALLY SAW HIM FALL

>>@lessbien attached a photo [memeboi.jpg]

@spidersman   
Spider-Man  
Joined today  
Just because I have a spider-sense doesn't mean I have common sense  
Followers 100 Following 10


	2. Peter tries to start beef w/ himself

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> @peteparkour  
> Peter Parker   
> Joined Feb 2014  
> I stan one (1) billionaire   
> Followers 10 Following 20
> 
> @peteparkour Spider-Man is lame and nobody can change my mind
> 
> >>@flashman shut up Penis you wish you were as cool as Spider-Man 
> 
> >>@nedward dude wtf
> 
> >>@potatogunner lol u right u right  
>  >>@peteparkour bitch

@peteparkour  
Peter Parker   
Joined Feb 2014  
I stan one (1) billionaire   
Followers 10 Following 20

@peteparkour Spider-Man is lame and nobody can change my mind

>>@flashman shut up Penis you wish you were as cool as Spider-Man 

>>@nedward dude wtf

>>@potatogunner lol u right u right  
>>@peteparkour bitch

 

@iamironman  
Tony Stark  
You know who I am  
Followers 10mil Following 15

@iamironman FRIDAY is the best female AI in the world

>>@spidersman nah Karen is better  
>>@iamironman take that back Underoos

@eggplant rt @iamironman   
Proof that @spidersman is really Spidey   
>> @lessbien holy shit this is gold

@spidersman MR STARK IS BEING RUDE TO KAREN AND I WON'T STAND FOR IT  
>>@iamironman I made Karen. I'm allowed to.  
>>@widowsred Tony leave Karen alone, she's a sweetheart  
>>@iamironman Nat stop ruining my fun @widowsred


	3. Lesbian Business Queen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> @eggplant who are you @peteparkour and how do you know our Lesbian Business Queen?  
>  >>@peteparkour I'm Mr. Stark’s intern and Miss Potts came to yell at him while I was there once   
>  >>@lessbien how to I become an Intern so I can meet the Lesbian Business Queen?

@peteparkour i fell off the fire escape because of bi panic, how’s your day going?  
>>@emmmjay loser  
>>@peteparkour binch you nearly fell off the bleachers because you saw a pic of ScarJo  
>>@emmmjay shut up Parker. I’m cool

>>@potatogunner mood  
>>@peteparkour Keener text me the deets yo  
>>@potatogunner nahh bro

@iamironman watching my CEO be a gay icon is great  
>>@vpepperpotts You’re just jealous  
>>@iamironman I am happily single thank you 

>>@peteparkour Miss Potts is a Powerful Lesbian and I love her  
>>@iamironman I love her too Kiddo  
>>@vpepperpotts Love you too Peter

 

@peteparkour love my Lesbian Business Queen @vpepperpotts

@eggplant who are you @peteparkour and how do you know our Lesbian Business Queen?  
>>@peteparkour I'm Mr. Stark’s intern and Miss Potts came to yell at him while I was there once   
>>@lessbien how to I become an Intern so I can meet the Lesbian Business Queen?


	4. BiderMan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> @widowsred love my girlfriend and her ability to terrify rude old white dudes  
>  >>@spidersman we appreciate my Spider-Mom and her girlfriend   
>  >>@widowsred love you too маленький паук
> 
> >>@lessbien so fuckin pure my heart  
>  >>@eggplant Spider-Mom holy shit that's adorable
> 
> >>@spicypies we have at least 2 LGBT superheroes and I am LIVING
> 
>  
> 
> @iamironman hi I'm Pansexual and proud of it  
>  >>@spidersman we appreciate you IronDad
> 
> >>@widowsred anyone who hates on Tony can meet me behind the nearest Wendy's 
> 
>  
> 
> @spidersman I almost made my twitter handle BiderMan because whattup I'm Spidey and I'm Bi  
>  >>@spidersman and I'm a trans man
> 
> >>@spicypies up the count to 4 I'm so HAPPY

@widowsred love my girlfriend and her ability to terrify rude old white dudes  
>>@spidersman we appreciate my Spider-Mom and her girlfriend   
>>@widowsred love you too маленький паук

>>@lessbien so fuckin pure my heart  
>>@eggplant Spider-Mom holy shit that's adorable

>>@spicypies we have at least 2 LGBT superheroes and I am LIVING

 

@iamironman hi I'm Pansexual and proud of it  
>>@spidersman we appreciate you IronDad

>>@widowsred anyone who hates on Tony can meet me behind the nearest Wendy's 

 

@spidersman I almost made my twitter handle BiderMan because whattup I'm Spidey and I'm Bi  
>>@spidersman and I'm a trans man

>>@spicypies up the count to 4 I'm so HAPPY 

 

@peteparkour interning for @iamironman is great because I get to see him pine 

@peteparkour I can die happy I have now met Bruce fucking Banner and Thor fucking Odinson   
>>@nedward so cool

>>@potatogunner I need to come to New York   
>>@peteparkour that would be so fucking cool dude

>>@emmmjay does Dr. Banner look like his photo in the physics room?  
>>@peteparkour pretty much yeah

>>@eggplant how do I get this intern position????

>>@flashman you're taking your lies way too far Penis


	5. Bruce does a confusion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> @rbbanner I just spent 2 years in space and when I come home half of my friends live in England now  
>  >>@rbbanner and my best friend has extremis and nanotechnology in an arc reactor in his chest  
>  >>@rbbanner the Sokovia Accords are a /good/ thing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This isn't a team Cap bashing story, I just have feelings about the shit that went down in CA:CW.
> 
>  
> 
> Steve and his team aren't international fugitives but they aren't exactly the most popular in the good ol' US of A so they live in England now

@rbbanner I just spent 2 years in space and when I come home half of my friends live in England now  
>>@rbbanner and my best friend has extremis and nanotechnology in an arc reactor in his chest  
>>@rbbanner the Sokovia Accords are a /good/ thing

@iamironman My Science Bro is confused and angry and I've discovered that Hulk likes to watch Gravity Falls   
>>@iamironman seriously though there is a giant green man sitting in the lounge watching cartoons

>>@spidersman can I swing over and watch GF with Mr. Hulk?  
>>@iamironman sure why not

>>@widowsred Bruce got angry because @captainrogers left because he didn't want to be in the hands of the UN in case anyone was wondering 

>>@eggplant Hulk watches Gravity Falls and Dr. Banner is confused by Steven Rogers decisions   
>>@spicypies the Hulk is a mood   
>>@lessbien I think everyone was confused by Steve's decisions

 

@peteparkour I want to date two (2) people because they're great but polyamorous relationships? How do?  
>>@emmmjay communication   
>>@emmmjay trust

>>@nedward honestly same

>>@potatogunner how do emotion?  
>>@peteparkour oop big mood


	6. Does peter parker is depressed?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oop I made Peter sad like me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi this is mainly my feelings with Peter's bad life events (tm)

@peteparkour sometimes I want to yeet myself off of the helipad of Stark Tower because depression is a thing that exists   
>>@peteparkour and I get bullied for being a scholarship kid at school and my parents died when I was really young and I can't remember what my mom sounded like  
>>@peteparkour and I watched my uncle bleed out after getting mugged and I feel like it was my fault because we'd had a fight and he was looking for me  
>>@peteparkour and I almost got crushed by a building a couple months ago so I'm claustrophobic now

>>@nedward Pete do you need to talk? Call me please I'm worried now.

>>@emmmjay do you want to come over and watch vine compilations with me?

>>@iamironman do you want me to get you a therapist? I will pay for it.

>>@potatogunner Pete text me, we can be disasters together.


	7. Peter makes a whoopsie

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> @spidersman high school sucks ass  
>  >>@spidersman wait shit   
> @spidersman has deleted this tweet

@spidersman high school sucks ass  
>>@spidersman wait shit   
@spidersman has deleted this tweet

@eggplant anybody else see that Spidey’s in high school?   
>>@spicypies oh shit I thought I imagined that

>>@lessbien how do I protect a superhero?

>>@jellyfoosh now I have to find out how old he is shit

>>@widowsred Leave my Spider-Son alone.

 

@eggplant holy shit Black Widow replied to my tweet, even if it was just a warning

 

@iamironman Official warning: Don't go digging in to Spider-Man’s identity or his age. He will reveal what he wants to when he wants to.

@vpepperpotts Spider-Man has the right to a private life, and his privacy is covered by the Accords so don't go digging.

 

@peteparkour how do I delete embarrassing memories?  
>>@emmmjay what happened this time loser?  
>>@peteparkour embarrassment MJ so much embarrassment 

>>@nedward big mood

>>@flashman haha Puny got embarrassed

 

@lordofthunder BANNER GOT ME A PHONE AND NOW I HAVE THIS “TWITTER”   
>>@spidersman hey Thor you can make your letters small by tapping the little arrow on the side once.  
>>@lordofthunder thank you Man of Spiders 

>>@peteparkour that's really cool Mr. Thor

>>@iamironman good job Point Break


	8. Street Smarts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> >>@iamironman even my science bro has an S/O I want a date mate  
>  >>@iamironman also I blame you @peteparkour for showing me memes and LGBT friendly S/O terms

@peteparkour STREET SMARTS i just threw my empty wallet at a mugger and ran away  
>>@nedward STREET SMARTS but also are you okay

>>@iamironman Peter are you okay?  
>>@peteparkour yeah Mr. Stark im fine

 

@widowsred Brucie is such a soft man around his boo  
>>@spidersman Ikr but they're both so soft™ around each other 

>>@iamironman even my science bro has an S/O I want a date mate  
>>@iamironman also I blame you @peteparkour for showing me memes and LGBT friendly S/O terms


	9. Spidey peaks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> @shalexmadej new episode of Buzzfeed Unsolved Supernatural ~ is @spidersman actually part spider or is he a buggy

@shalexmadej new episode of Buzzfeed Unsolved Supernatural ~ is @spidersman actually part spider or is he a buggy

 

@spidersman I've officially peaked. I have my own episode of #buzzfeedunsolved   
>>@eggplant we stan one (1) spider hero

>>@lessbien the best episode this season (wheeze)  
>>@spidersman hey there criminals it's me ya boi

 

@lessbien ahhhhhh holy shit Spidey replied to me

 

@spidersman I've had people call me a millennial icon which is FALSE! I am Gen Z you fakes  
>>@vibraniumprincess I am also Gen Z. We need to meet  
>>@spidersman sure thing Shuri b it you'll need to pick me up because I'm broke af

>>@jellyfoosh yay 2 Gen Z icons


	10. Q&A with Spidey

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> @spidersman time for Q&A with your friendly neighborhood super dude

@eggplant today I met the Amazing Bag-Man @spidersman   
>>@eggplant attached a photo [bagdude.jpg]

>>@spidersman my mask got torn and I have a secret identity 

>>@lessbien how did that stay on his face while he swung?  
>>@spidersman I'm sticky 

>>@spicypies Spider-Man is out, Bag-Man is in  
>>@spidersman should I go out as Bag-Man more often then?

 

@vibraniumprincess I want a new best friend please  
>>@peteparkour hi I'm peter and I know science things   
>>@vibraniumprincess Stark im stealing your intern @iamironman  
>>@iamironman no I like this one

 

@spidersman time for Q&A with your friendly neighborhood super dude   
>>@lessbien are you dating anyone?  
>>@spidersman actually I have both a boyfriend and a girlfriend 

>>@flashman do you actually know a kid called Peter Parker  
>>@spidersman yeah and I don't appreciate you bullying my friend

>>@eggplant how did you get your powers?  
>>@spidersman a radioactive spider bit me when I went to Oscorp 

>>@jellyfoosh will you finish memes ig we yell them at you?  
>>@spidersman absolutely 100% do it

>>@spicypies who's your favorite superhero?  
>>@spidersman don't ask me that I'll get in trouble


	11. Honorary 3rd place

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> @spicypies Spidey just picked up a burglar as I yelled This Bitch Empty and he threw him in the dumpster yelling Yeet  
>  >>@jellyfoosh my friends and I were having a vine off and Spidey swung by and finished off 2 vines. We gave him honorary 3rd place

@spicypies Spidey just picked up a burglar as I yelled This Bitch Empty and he threw him in the dumpster yelling Yeet  
>>@jellyfoosh my friends and I were having a vine off and Spidey swung by and finished off 2 vines. We gave him honorary 3rd place

>>@spidersman I told ya'll I would  
>>@spicypies love you Spidey you're my favorite superhero 

 

@iamironman Everybody wish @widowsred happy birthday   
>>@spidersman happy birthday Spider-Mom 

>>@peteparkour happy birthday Ms. Nat

>>@potatogunner happy birthday Natasha 

>>@vpepperpotts happy birthday babe  
>>@widowsred we going public then love?  
>>@vpepperpotts I felt it was time 😙


	12. Heavy Chapter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Brief mention of sexual assault

@peteparkour wow ptsd is the worst™   
>>@flashman what could you have ptsd about Penis  
>>@peteparkour how about the time my uncle bled out in my arms after being mugged while looking for me after a fight we had  
>>@peteparkour or the memory of the night my parents dropped me off before literally flying to their deaths  
>>@peteparkour or that time during Stark Expo when a Hammer Drone was going to kill me  
>>@peteparkour or during the Battle of New York when a Chitauri alien held me at gunpoint till Black Widow shot it in the head and I got covered in alien blood  
>>@peteparkour or the time my babysitter sexually assaulted me when I was 8  
>>@peteparkour or the time a building started collapsing on top of me and I barely made it out alive  
>>@flashman shit I'm kinda sorry

>>@potatogunner Peter you need Therapy™   
>>@peteparkour been there failed that

>>@emmmjay call me right now  
>>@nedward 3 way Skype call  
>>@peteparkour maybe in a little bit

>>@iamironman I need to get you a proper therapist, I'm calling May and having a chat with her about it tomorrow   
>>@peteparkour or we could ignore all of this thread and focus on science?  
>>@iamironman no way in hell kid

>>@widowsred I love and appreciate you Peter and I am willing to listen to your problems


	13. Sandwich

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> @spidersman I want to bring Sandwich home with me but @iamironman says if I bring one animal home I'll start bringing them all home  
>  >>@spidersman which is true but come on Mr. Stark please he's my buddy  
>  >>@iamironman no you're not bringing a stray dog that you feed and hang with to my house because before I know it you'll have an entire zoo and I don't need to be any more like Bruce Wayne

@spidersman I want to bring Sandwich home with me but @iamironman says if I bring one animal home I'll start bringing them all home  
>>@spidersman which is true but come on Mr. Stark please he's my buddy  
>>@iamironman no you're not bringing a stray dog that you feed and hang with to my house because before I know it you'll have an entire zoo and I don't need to be any more like Bruce Wayne 

>>@jellyfoosh who is Sandwich?  
>>@spidersman Sandwich is my best doggo fren

>>@spicypies Why is his name Sandwich?  
>>@spidersman coz I got him to trust me by bringing him sandwiches every day 

 

@queentrix Hey @spidersman I just wanna say thanks for getting me away from that guy last week. He's my bio dad and he doesn't accept me being trans and he used to abuse me  
>>@queentrix I moved from Kansas to Queens to get away from him but he tracked me down and has been threatening me for months and I think you saved my life  
>>@spidersman no problem Ma'am just doing my job. DM me if you wanna chat or need to vent. #transpeoplesupporttranspeople


	14. spider actually

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I don't even know anymore

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I made a multifandom discord, come talk to me ;)  
> https://discord.gg/23wvXNc

@spidersman Just stubbed my toe and have decided to pull me leg off. Hope it doesn’t take too long to grow back  
>>@lessbien Oh worm  
>>@spidersman Spider actually

>>@jellyfoosh Big Mood 

>>@spiceypies Spidey can you actually regrow limbs  
>>@spidersman I can indeed my dude

@iamironman just watched @vpepperpotts trip over her own feet because Tasha has a new lbd   
>>@lessbien I would too tbh

>>@eggplant everybody would Natasha has to be at least a 10/10 in a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt

@spidersman Shaggy just appeared in my dream and told me to go to the top of the empire state building so guess where I am  
>>@vibraniumprincess How was talking to God?  
>>@spidersman Pretty chill actually, he's a real swell dude


End file.
